Saturday 27 November 2021

Gatesman 9 - Crisis

There has been something of a lull in the Gatesman series, as a result of the Gatesman character suffering a crisis of faith where, believe it or not, he begins to question the value of his remorseless vaccinating efforts: “Whatever I do, everything just seems to get worse and worse! It’s almost like I’m the problem!” 

Nightmares of new variants plague his nights, he wakes screaming and sweating; and only the reassurance of Bono singing lullabies to him via Zoom call is able to calm him and get him back to sleep - where unfortunately more nightmares await him. Then it’s back onto Bono, whose own sleep is suffering. 

Things cannot go on like this, and Gatesman is taken to a special place where, after a week of rest, counselling and electroshock therapy, a new Gatesman arises, reinvigorated, refreshed, and more committed to the cause than ever before. “Get with the program or the program will get you!” is his new motto, which he delivers with a kindly smile, but also, yes, a bit of a hint of madness. 

Actually by some kind of quirk - an offshoot maybe of his week of realignment - he now has trouble saying anything else. There’s been a few awkward moments - for instance with startled waitresses trying to take his order in restaurants, and Gatesman demanding they get with the program - but close colleagues are always on hand to step in where necessary, so it’s not that big a deal and it’s probably just temporary anyway.

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