Creation, Hopes

I’m not going to create this, whatever follows, out of nothing. What do I mean by that? I’m not sure, it just came to me, though it must have resonated with me at some level - I didn’t feel in contradiction with it. If there was some contradiction, however deeply and subconsciously, I’d still have felt it, like grit, within me. Anyway I presumably meant I wasn’t simply going to start writing from some kind of internal monologue from off the top of my head, rather than say picking some respectable subject and weighing in on it.

But even if it does come out as more the internal rambling rather than the serious, public, respectable stuff, still it’s a shared language after all, I didn’t come up with it, and so whatever I come out with, still I’m not creating out of nothing. It might seem to be just the fuel of myself being emitted into the atmosphere, so to speak, but I am in truth drawing from and adding to the treasury of human commonality that embraces us all, and which ennobles all public discourse. That’s one of the reasons, by the way, I ration my intake of public discourse to the point of almost total abstinence - my system finds it hard to digest so much nobility. If I do try to digest some of it, I’m likely to end up in some kind of violent fit of vomiting - in some kind of spiritual sense.

I did hope - though I’m not to be honest sure what if anything I hoped - but - whatever about the treasury of shared language, etc - perhaps I really did hope to write about some definite thing or other rather than just coming out with whatever came out … But then of course what, within this deep reality, is the point of expectations if they’re not there to be dashed? Well I suppose the point might be more that they’d be fulfilled. That’s what we might hope for anyway. But hopes or not, something got written, and that in itself is  the fulfilment of something.