Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Response

In something of a follow-on to their recent announcement, the United Nations Security Council have responded to the current refugee crisis by requesting FIFA make an immediate change to the offside rule in professional football favouring the attacking side. Henceforth from when the ball is passed the attacker will have a yard leeway between him and the defender before he is declared offside. The authorities will use GPS tracking technology to successfully implement the amendment to the rule.
The expected, even inevitable, rise in goals scored will send out a message around the world of solidarity and caring.

Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Willin' - The Byrds

Cover version of a great song about truck driving American back roads all weather, all hours, all cargo from weed to wine and smokes and folks from Mexico.

Saturday, 5 September 2015

Peace

Somewhat surprisingly, even if only superficially so, this year's Nobel Peace prize has been awarded to War. A spokesman for the Nobel committee said they were going to award it a second time to "Barracks" Obama for his re-assuring smile, earnest expression and heroic refusal to have his skin whitened, but they were out somewhere nice for a few drinks and amidst the slowly ensuing merriment someone jokingly suggested War as an alternative. Once the laughter died down, the validity and paradoxical ingenuity of the thought started to reveal itself to them, and half an hour later they were unanimous, War it was, and the happy news was siphoned off to the press.
Christina Aguilera, Tony Blair and a specially commissioned waxwork of Robin Williams will accept the award on War's behalf. The waxwork will be on a scale of 1 to 1.1, thus elevating Williams' height to 6'2", which, the Nobel committee say, will be a fitting tribute to both the man and the occasion.

The moment Mr Obama received the news of the announcement was incidentally caught on camera as he was watering his roses at the White House. A momentary look of surprise tinged perhaps with a shimmer of disappointment was however followed in the same breath with a resigned smile, which then segued into a faraway look of deep contemplation, after a few sacred seconds of which what appeared to be the muttering of some inaudible words was followed by nodding of the head, gentle yet rich in conviction. He then with a sense of renewed hope returned to the watering of his roses.

Subsequent airing of this footage led to massive media interest, reflective naturally of the public will, in the unearthing of the President's unheard words, if words they were, and with the kind aid of NASA technology almost infinite magnification of the audio has revealed the words to be "Our Founding Fathers . . . yes . . . yes . . ."
It seems incidentally true by the way the revelation, however it came out, that Mr Obama had actually been informed of the Nobel decision some twenty minutes earlier but this of course only makes his performance all the more remarkable.


* Just to add whether this is helpful or necessary or not, the Robin Williams reference is fully in the way of a social-cultural sense, and has nothing to do with him as a living person.

Friday, 4 September 2015

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is World Celebrity Day. Everyone, except terrorists, has the legal right, depending on gender, to consider him or her self to be a celebrity until midnight of one's relevant time zone.
That one could by means of flight leave one time zone and in entering another extend the duration of one's celebrity is it seems a grey area.
There are already it seems murmurings from some of the more daringly liberal voices that the exclusion of terrorists could be counter-productive - that the awfulness of such an excommunication will drive them to even more desperate acts.
Others have criticised the wording on gender believing it to be unnecessarily restrictive.