Napoleon

“So you’re getting on ok working in the psychiatric hospital?”

“Oh yes. It can obviously be challenging but I’m finding it very rewarding.”

“And tell me about that inmate you said who thinks he’s Napoleon Bonaparte.”

“Well the problem is his thoughts are misaligned with external reality.”

“Putting it mildly. So do you think you can help him?”

“Of course. What we need to do is help bring his thoughts and external reality into closer alignment.”

“And how are you going to manage that - what kinds of therapy?”

“Mainly plastic surgery.”

“What?!”

“Since the thoughts in his head are identifying as Napoleon, we need to bring his physical appearance into alignment with those thoughts. And with the advancements in plastic surgery, we think we can get his appearance and those thoughts quite close to each other.”

“But those thoughts are mental! You need to help his mental well-being, have his thoughts at one with the physical world, not the other way round.”

“That’s a very bigoted and reactionary view. We in the psychiatric establishment take a far more compassionate view of things. Height will unfortunately always be a bit of an issue - he is quite a tall man and of course Napoleon was short - but with the right clothes and the bouts of surgery, we think we should be able to do wonders for his quality of life. It hardly needs saying, we will officially change his name to Napoleon also.”