Where

"Sorry, could you tell me where I am?"
"I can. You're here."
"Oh I know that, I know that. I'm aware that I'm here, but what I was hoping to know, what I was wanting to find out, was where I am in relation to somewhere else."
"Where you are in relation to somewhere else? Oh I don't know. I doubt I'm the man for that at all. If you want to know where you are in relation to where you are: that's what I'm good at, that's my kind of thing; but where you are in relation to somewhere else - I'm practically useless.
"I could pretend, I could let on. I could say, 'Jesus, this is your lucky day. I'm the right man for this.' And I'd say this is where you are, point A, this is where this somewhere else is, point B, and so this is where you and the points are in relation to each other. I'd even map out for you how to get from one point to the other- A to B or the other way round.
"But all that would happen, apart from coincidence, is I'd be setting you all wrong, because I might know where you are in relation to where you are all right, but where where you are in relation to this somewhere else I wouldn't have a clue. Your coordinates would be all over the place. And on top of it all, to make it worse, I'd be fierce convincing. You'd have no doubts about these coordinates. Not even the doubt of a doubt. So away you'd go telling yourself how your luck was in, how wonderful I was, and if you'd met me earlier on in your life there's no knowing what you might have done."