Extract

"What you think of this? It's from me new book:

'Death came like a bitch in stilletos.'

"It's very good."

Universal

Professional football has been declared the new official universal language at a special sitting of the United Nations Security Council. All relevant international documents will henceforth have to be translated into professional football, with failure to do so resulting in "the most serious of  sanctions."
'It is in the act of watching professional football that we are most alike unto ourselves,' stated a subsidiary UN press release.
Bono has welcomed the news.